#anyway this is just. stream of consciousness

[actual-changeling]

i could, y'know.

i could go 'home' and i could lie to my mother and she would lie to me, and we'd play our roles like we always have. we do not talk about our childhoods. we do not talk about him. we do not talk about anything that matters. she doesn't ask me questions about my life anyway, she doesn't care.

i could go and perform and then go back to my flat and nothing will have changed. i really could, if i had to i'd be able to do it flawlessly.

but i don't want to. i won't be like her. i won't just sit in silence, not anymore. she won't understand a single thing i would have to tell her, and in the off chance she does, she'd immediately start guilt tripping me and oh, i am your poor poor mother, you had a great childhood you were always happy.

i know her routines, i had to.

i don't want to because i am so, so tired of it all, and opening pandora's box would only make things worse, but at least something would CHANGE.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

*tries to organize my thoughts*

*remembers i'm not in school and therefore beholden to neither heaven nor hell nor any man's grading system*

*joyously shredding & tossing all my carefully arranged 3x5 mental notecards into the air like so much beige confetti. raising my arms in victory, cheering raucously until i accidentally inhale bits of homemade confetti*

(*coughing up itty bits of paper like a cat evicting a hairball with a firm understanding of tenants' rights*) wait wat happens next

[madbard]

Thinking about how the Stan twins were both taught from a young age that life is a matter of transactions. How they were valued only for the money they could bring their family, and how this shaped their lives in such different ways.

Ford was the intelligent one, and this made him valuable. He knew what he had to offer. He knew he was important. (He had to be. Experience had shown him that love was conditional. He had to earn it. He had to be enough.) When Bill Cipher approached him, he confirmed everything Ford wanted so desperately to believe about himself. Imagine that sense of excitement, of accomplishment, of pride and power and relief. Imagine having that final, unshakeable source of external validation - that this being that knew everything and could have chosen anyone, chose you. Imagine knowing exactly what you could do to please this being and, with the understanding that love is conditional, knowing that you could fulfill the requirements for that love. Imagine knowing exactly how to ensure you would be loved, not just by that being but by the family you uplifted and the future you created. All you had to do was satisfy your own curiosity… all you had to do was build a portal. Is it any wonder that Ford fell for Bill’s tricks?

Then we have Stan, the failure. If love was transactional, he could never pay the fee. He knew people only helped you if you had something to offer. And he had nothing to offer, so why would anyone ever help him? Why would anyone care? Of course he didn’t fall for Bill. He couldn’t. When Bill promised gifts and power and happiness, how could Stan believe a word he said? In a world without altruism, such promises could never be trusted. There was always a price to be paid - and Stan had never been able to pay it.

And so the end of the world was triggered and then averted, all because one brother thought he could earn the world’s love, while the other knew he would never earn anything good.

A+ parenting, Filbrick. Truly.

[salsedinepicta]

There’s no harm in wanting something beautiful.

[crookedfivefingers]

3.13 | ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ʟᴏʀᴅꜱ

link to the post I accidentally wound up prattling endlessly about in the tags 💀

[jellicores]

duck duck goose - a quick, mostly-silent, minicomic

[thirdeyeblue]

“Nine would have treated Martha better than Ten did”

I need to talk about this argument that never seems to stop circulating.

Note: Not a venomous/anti post. There’s more than enough of that across fandom spaces as is, and this is supposed to be a place for ✨sweet, blissful escapism✨

When making this argument, people seem to envision a scenario in which Nine never met Rose.

While I can appreciate a good hypothetical, recognizing Rose's significance to the Doctor (Nine and Ten) is essential to understanding why things with Martha played out the way they did in the first place.

In the third series, the Doctor is grieving. This grief is deliberately threaded into nearly every script, whether spoken aloud or not (and these are just a few examples):

He's burning in Rose’s wake the entire time Martha travels with him, which is why it’s so frequently called upon: It’s 100% deliberate in framing his grief. He grieved as Nine too, of course— having been fresh on the heels of the Time War — but then he met Rose, which changed everything.

Back then, he was still a rude, traumatized pain in the ass, but we watch Rose soften more of those jagged edges with every episode as they grow closer; as he lets his guard down and forms a deep connection with her.

He falls in love (against his better judgment) and it's game over.

And yes: provided S1E1 had been titled 'Martha', one can realistically assume things might have unfolded similarly to how they did with Rose. However, it wouldn’t have been that way just because the Doctor was Nine and “Nine was different” — it would be because he wasn’t already in love with someone else. The same can't be said for the start of S3.

Think of it like this: if Rose AND Martha had been in that cellar — if Nine had taken both of them along with him in S1 — we’d eventually be looking at the most melodramatic love triangle ever, what with him living in close quarters with two brilliant, gorgeous, compassionate young women... But Doctor Who is plenty “soap opera” as is with just one woman in the TARDIS.

(I certainly wouldn’t object to reading that fic, though)

Now, regarding the unrequited elephant in the room…

His inability to be romantic with Martha isn’t because he thinks her lesser, nor is it for lack of compatibility. It isn't because Rose is any better than her. It certainly isn’t just because he’s Ten.

It’s really only for one reason, which can't be denied — and now I’m a broken record:

He is still in love with Rose.

(cut from a tenrosedaily gif)

Nine is Ten, and Ten is only such a mess in S3 because he’s just lost the love of his life. Martha merely got caught in the crosshairs of a volatile Time Lord in mourning, and yes — it sucks. Absolutely.

But it also feels dismissive to chalk Ten and Martha’s relationship up to little more than some sort of mindless dance of pining, jealousy, and toxicity.

Ten trusted Martha with his life over and over again — and hers, with him. He constantly praised her brilliance, happily carting her around time and space with no intention of letting her go. In the BBC’s extended universe of novels/comics/cartoons/etc, there’s so much depth to their relationship: love and trust and trauma and sacrifice. They had their own special bond as mates, their own complexities — so it’s a bummer that it's forever overshadowed by the other things.

I’m not denying that there was a lot of stuff that sucked/was for sure toxic about Ten's S3 behavior, but so many of the things I've seen him catching flak for can be directly attributed to being A Clueless Fucking Alien Idiot (not a trait that’s unique to Ten) — as well as his flat-out obliviousness to Martha’s feelings.

So yes, I agree: if Rose never existed, he would have treated Martha differently as Nine. He also would have treated her differently as Ten. Certainly.

But Rose did exist, and when discussing canon, it matters.

“He tells me that he absolutely, 100% loves Rose... He tells me how my daughter; my wonderful, beautiful, clever little girl saved him from himself before… And he says that’s all because of me! I made her into the Rose Tyler that saved him.”

-Jackie Tyler, Flight Into Hull!

Martha got the short end of the stick in S3. She came round at the wrong place and time, but that doesn't mean it was all bad. It doesn't mean the Doctor didn’t adore her. It certainly doesn't mean the time they spent together was wasted or worthless. They were brilliant!

Sure, he could be a twat, but let it be known that he was a twat with Rose as well, both as Nine and Ten. I’m sure Tentoo can be plenty infuriating, too. So while I'll defend Ten (and Tentoo) into the ground forever and ever and ever, I'll concede that he's fucked up.

The Doctor is a certified Pain In The Ass. It’s one of the things I love so much about this character — dynamics.

But never forget that Martha was goddamn tough as nails and overcame every bit of it. She moved on with her life, and the Doctor moved on with his. One can only pray that, when they inevitably drag her back onto the show (which feels inevitable if I'm honest), we see at once that she's been living her best life for all these years.

[logicpng]

it's been taking me forever to finish these to even this state and then Suddenly i just sketched the expressions and cleaned them up all in one evening

anyway hi i saw a meme and thought it would be good to give a writing test drive to my boys again (urs especially...)

[ original blanks here, image transcriptions in ALT text ]

[scream-mans-friend]

erasermic is so versatile. depending on how you interpret their relationship, erasermic can be fluffy, it can overcome all hurdles, it can be a new thing thats just bloomed, high school sweethearts, tripping over themselves pining, married with kids. it can also be two estranged friends finding each other again, it can be a codependent relationship born from tragedy, it can be seemingly unrequited, it can be something they both want but know they can never bridge, it can be bitter, it can be haunted, it can tear itself apart, and it can be filled with a loathing for the fact that they care for the others difficult ass. and most importantly they can be besties. and i think thats beautiful.

[utilitycaster]

sometimes you have a good and well thought out idea for a fic and sometimes you are just like this concept is best expressed as a series of ao3 tags for something you will probably never write

[sieglinde-freud]

oh im obsessed with this actually… who ever wrote this one i am kissing u on the forehead and hugging you real tight… inigo is such a loverboy im kkkhhhhhhijnsdnfng

[hanzajesthanza]

ida emean is the most mysterious witcher character to me. like she literally just showed up from the blue mountains (i thought the elves were starving up there last time we checked) (also last time we checked the elves which lived in the blue mountains wanted nothing to do with humans ever and that’s why they live in said mountains) (like filavandrel whom sapkowski said intentionally never showed up again after time of contempt because he was an old and wise elf that could not be fooled and was not persuaded by the nilfgaardianian bequeathing of land)

and she just shows up as francesca findabair’s plus one to the who run the world girls meeting. you know. which contains humans. and then her only thing is that she’s an elf. she showed up. and oh yeah she fucking slayed that shit so hard not wearing any stones or metals at all in her jewelry in a daffodil dress. and her red hair. of course. but her dialogue is basically just: “yep confirming that’s magic” and “you are being a bit racist don’tcha think”

but the thing that REALLY makes me throw my hands up here is that she’s an AEN SAEVHERNE ?? literally a title we know best from it also belonging to LARA DORREN and AVALLAC’H?? but she was just hanging out with francesca in dol blathanna like going over to her friend’s for tea, when it is said even among the elves it’s rare to known an aen saevherne. so what relationship do they have that… ? dunno.

and but of course, because she is an elf, she is aloof, taciturn, and inscrutable as all hell and so we learn practically nothing about her.

[mustfindcreativeusername]

(maybe scroll past if you love love bbc sherlock)

Me: honestly i fucking hate bbc sherlock by this point i mean yeah i loved the first two seasons loved loved loved them but then it haaad to get so complicated but still i could live with season 3 but wtf was s4??? And why did they have to... Do. That. Why make me hate even one John Watson i love my Watsons why did you make him a piece of shit in the last season, texting another woman to the point he considers it cheating is one thing i mean depends on the texts but that's forgivable it was just texting after all, anyway that's one thing but he blamed Sherlock so much for Mary's death when she!! She!! Jumped in front of the bullet to save him. It was her decision (why did she have to be a mega spy? Why did she have to surgery-shoot Sherlock. It wasn't as safe as she thought he literally died and came back and if the ambulance had come a couple minutes later he would 100% be dead wtf and he forgave her too) it was Mary's decision to sacrifice herself for Sherlock and he blamed him to the point where he basically internalises that Sherlock killed her. And i understand needing time alone or whatever but mrs hudson said he's sick, john, pls come see him and he was like yeah whatever sure if you insist ig.

Oh and . Yeah. He fucking. Beat. Him .Up??? Not punch him -haha funny- not hit him once, or even twice. No. He fucking beat him up. With punches and kicks and stuff. While he was looking at him like. Not quite believing. That his friend, "best friend" would do that to him. And yeah him being on drugs would have contributed but he ended up in the hospital?? After john beat him up. I didn't watch that episode in a while but i don't remember john being extremely remorseful or worried afterwards. He saw that cd from mary and only then he was like, "oh no my friend". Your friend. Your friend who would do literally anything for you. Your friend who a couple days later hugged you while you were crying. Did you even hug back? Did you ever apologize? I don't remember. He might've. But i dont remember it. And sherlock forgave him. Just like that. Worse even. I don't really think that he was that mad at him in the first place. Heartbroken, yes. Did you see his face? When john was beating him up? He wasn't even in his right mind, mega on drugs and stuff, and he'd just had a 'that is not the person i met' moment, tma fans wink wink, he was not well and you beat him up. You're a doctor too. Ha. Your best friend, the one who would do anything for you, die, kill, make himself sick to save your mental health or whatever was going on in that episode. In the following episode, days later really, he's made to choose to kill either his brother, HIS BROTHER, or John, and both Sherlock and Mycroft immediately, instinctively know that he's not gonna kill John. He loves him too much. I never really got it the first time around, the first time i watched. It's insane - Sherlock's devotion to John. He literally loves him above anything else, including himself. And I'm not a shipper. Oh i am usually a johnlock shipper but not them. I do still think they belong together but man oh man i hope john groveled. Why did they have to do that. Make us, make me hate john watson. I loved him. In the first two seasons, i really really loved him, he was my blorbo, well, the word blorbo didn't exist yet but he was. And i have a list somewhere titled 'heartbreakingly raw lines' and it's honestly mostly about the delivery of those lines and  "no, he's my friend, he's my friend, please" is right there, nr 1. Nr 2 is close, it's from good omens, bookshop fire, also about a friend, you get it, and after these two there's a biig big big gap before the third. Those two are supreme, nr 2 is so so so heartbreaking but it did not even compete with nr 1. To this day if i recall that scene, those lines, "let me come through please, no, he's my friend, he's my friend, please " i feel sick. My stomach is twisting right now, as i write. I loved john. I loved their relationship. Friendship, whatever, autocorrect asked me if thats what i wanna say. Why ruin his character? Just to be edgy? Why would you make him beat up his best friend, that!! friend. Oh and then, once they did make him do that,  just gloss over the fact. I'm not even saying make Sherlock be mad at him. That bitch loves him to the point it's almost pathetic. But there are other ways. How can you just gloss over that. He punched him several times, he kicked him while he was down. I'm sitting here thinking "what a piece of shit, punch a wall if you're that angry, i get being heartbroken about your wife, and feeling guilty, and overwhelmed, but that is no excuse". Why do i have to call any John Watson a piece of shit. Hell, why do i have to call this one a piece of shit, i fucking loved him. 

That's the one thing i do really really hate about that show. They did a lot of other stuff, all the characters were edgy-ified and made a little worse, as opposed to the ones from the books (lestrade is fine actually) but it doesn't upset me too much, i just see it as its own show instead of an adaptation adaptation and yeah, really not that upset. And i didn't really notice at first but there was queerbaiting wasn't it. I mean there were just a little too many jokes. I guess. I did see it when i rewatched it. Still. I never really saw them together, yk? Like yeah, together forever, but not as a couple. Needless to say i was very happy when like two years after i first watched it i learned about QPRs. Like yeah yeah that's what i meant. So it had a lot of flaws i guess but stuff you could get past, yk. And the first two seasons really were amazing, i wanted to snort them. But i am glad i was only vaguely familiar with the stories when i watched it, i think i would've liked it a lot less. I mean acd Sherlock Holmes is such a nice man, he's a sweetie honestly, he giggles and rubs his hands together when there's a clue, and yeah he's got some 'get to the point' moments but he's not an asshole. He monologues about flowers at some point. I love bbc Sherlock (the character) too, i really do, but he can be a bit of a prick. Intentionally, not bc he doesn't realise it. Did he just decide one day he was a sociopath and leaned into it or what. That high functioning sociopath thing was just him being dramatic, we're not actually supposed to believe he was, right? God i haven't thought- really thought - about this show in a while. And i can't believe i thought for so long we were getting a s5. After how s4 ended? That was a "soo they had many more adventures but this is where we part ways with them, byyeeee" ending. Did you know, tv time had it listed as "to be continued"/ a running show for so long after s4 ended. So so long. After like 4 years i made my peace and I'm pretty sure even then it was listed as running. I checked on it again some time ago, a year or two ago and it was finally listed as finished and i felt both disappointed and relieved. Like if your loved one has been missing for years and years and you finally find out they're dead. You kinda knew that but.. deep down... But still, you're relieved to know. Well maybe not exactly like that. Tv time isn't the ultimate authority, but. No, you know what it felt like? Passing a corpse every now and then and one day seeing that they've been layed to rest in a grave. And maybe it's for the best. S4 did so much damage, I'm not taking good, owie my heart, damage, i mean ruining John, and... making the dog a boy??? I'm not gonna talk about the whole Eurus thing bc i did like one aspect of it (horrible labirinth with really fucked up decisions to be made. I never saw any saw movies [lol. Saw saw] but that's what they're like right?) but yeah just make her an actual supernatural force at this point. The fuck. So maybe it's for the best. Not getting a s5. I've made my peace a long time ago and as i said, I'm starting to feel like i harbour some sort of hate for this show. Not the "i wish I'd never watched it" kind, not the "tf what did i ever see in it" kind either (s1 and 2 my loves) but it is a hate nonetheless. I'm glad I've moved on from it.

People on the internet: omg they're talking about making bbc Sherlock season 5!

Still me: omg omg no wayyy yess pleaseee maybe everything will be fixed and nice and cute yesss gimme gimme 

[blindmagdalena]

I have a headcannon that the reader is apart of the 7 (which would make it the 8 instead) and they've just gone through a nasty break up and homelander finds them crying and he just awkwardly pats them on the back and sits next to them while they sob

Homelander being Bad at emotional communication/comfort but making an attempt anyways because he believes it's his duty as the leader of The Seven—primarily to maintain his team as an extension of himself—is so, so good.

he naturally talks like an awkward dad. I can so clearly see him hesitantly meandering in and being like, "Hey, champ. Something up?" and he doesn't really want to know, but he feels obligated to at least ask. Ideally they'll give a brief answer, he can say, "Chin up! You're a hero, after all." y'know, spout the usual party lines.

but the answer is not brief. it's detailed, there's this immense relief from them over the fact he asked at all. suddenly he has his hands full with a heavy emotional burden that he has no idea what to do with other than nod and make the occasional hum.

listening to someone crying is probably a sensory nightmare for Homelander. hearing every wet blink, every snotty sniffle, the mucus in the back of the throat while they speak, the rattle of their breath. pair that with his sheer inexperience and emotional immaturity? he's tapping his fingers on his thighs, enduring more than he is actually comforting.

but then it's over, and they're looking at him with watery eyes and a red nose and a smile. "Thank you, Homelander," they say. he's not sure why he's so offput by their gratitude. he's entitled to it, of course. he just sat here for god knows how long (less than 5 minutes) suffering alongside them. he deserves to be thanked, so why does his skin feel so itchy under his suit?

He's not ready to think about how much easier his life would have been if there had been just one person willing to be there for him when he had suffered. how different things would be if he hadn't been so alone, his mind had to invent someone who would sit in for him.

Because he's not ready, he gives a broad, toothy grin that drips insincerity and stands up. "Teamwork makes the dream work," he says flatly, and pats them a little too sharply on the back, jostling them. they look as confused by the gesture as he feels. he clears his throat.

"Right. Go get yourself cleaned up! No one likes to see a hero in the dumps," he says, and turns on his heel. He doesn't want to listen to one more second of wet, sad breathing.

"Wait!" They say, and he stops. doesn't look back, keeps his look of impatient disgust to himself. "If you ever, you know... need someone. I'm here. I can be your someone."

Tightly, he bares his teeth in that same smile, the one that doesn't quite reach his eyes, and turns back around. Offers them a cynical little thumbs up. "You bet'cha."

Finally, he gets away. He exhales roughly. He feels uncomfortably warm and prickly all over, unable to put his finger on why.

I can be your someone.

Those words rattle around in his brain for the rest of the day.

I can be your someone.

They grow from a whisper in the back of his mind to a loud and ugly distraction.

The fucking nerve of them. He doesn't need anyone. He's fucking Homelander. As if he'd ever be caught dead sobbing his "widdle feewings" out in the conference room.

Pathetic.

And yet...

The next time Homelander feels it, that bubbling rage broiling up from his gut to his throat, burning like bile, those words come back like the flashes of a nightmare resurfacing from his subconscious.

I can be your someone.

Which is precisely how Homelander winds up tracking them down and sitting next to them with a vicious flourish of his cape.

"Oh, Homelander, hey—"

He puts his finger up sharply. "Shut... up. Sit there and be..." Be my someone. "Be quiet."

The silence is tense at first. Seconds tick by like minutes, minutes go on like hours. He listens to the patter of their heart. It shot up when he snapped, but it's beginning to calm now. Their breaths are steady. His own breathing, initially sharp huffs from his nose, gradually evens out. His churning stomach settles, and bit by bit, he feels himself again.

No destruction. No thick coppery tang of blood lingering in his nose. Just slowing breaths, steady heartbeats, and someone who will be there.

Eventually, Homelander clears his throat. "Thanks," he says, voice tight. "Teamwork makes the dream work," they reply. He looks over at them with a quirked brow. They're smiling faintly, a little playful. That catches him off guard. At first he thought they were mocking him, but they just look relieved. Something unspoken has occurred, and neither of them know what to say.

Homelander looks down at his hands. The leather of his gloves squeaks when he flexes them. "Anyways—"

A touch to his back startles the words off of his tongue. He looks at them. No judgement, just quiet sympathy as they rub back. Oh, he thinks, recalling the forceful way he'd patted them. This is what that's supposed to feel like.

He looks away, and they linger like that a moment longer. His cape and suit muffle much of the feeling of their hand, but still, the contact is nice. It bridges the isolating gap that Homelander experiences in his day to day interactions. Somehow, there is more connection here than in some of his intimate experiences.

He leans back into the touch slightly, blinking.

Pathetic, he thinks as his eyes burn wetly.

Homelander stands briskly, clapping his gloved hands to his thighs. "Right. Good. Back to work," he says, unsure of what it was they had been doing in the first place. He just needs to leave.

"Okay," they say, voice full of such gentle understanding. It only makes the burn in his eyes worsen, tinged with resentment. Where was this when he needed it most? "I'll see you later."

He opens his mouth, but stops himself. He bites the inside of his cheek, and then clicks his tongue lightly. "Yeppers," he says simply, at a loss. He leaves that way, heart heavy with a mix of strange, uncomfortable feelings, and yet undeniably lighter than when he had first arrived.

He doesn't know what to think of any of it. All he knows is that it will require further examination, and further interactions with his...

Someone.

[getyinyusedtoit]

the placement of both of xie lian's shackles is so interesting, the neck and the ankle. metaphorically one to weigh him down and one to make him walk with a limp. physically they are reminders of everything he's done to get here, literal marks of shame.

the neck shackle staying placed instead of being moved pre-second banishment is extra painful considering certain events, but it makes sense why that shackle wouldn't be moved for various reasons (xie lian's feelings of need to pay penance and shoulder punishment, it suits someone's intentions, the fact it was already placed there so why move it just to be nice, etc). the ankle shackle is also interesting when operating under the assumption that it's the shackle that dispersed his luck and fortune, since the ankle can be a connection point for the red string of fate, considering a certain someone with infinite luck to give comes along and ties a red string around a different connection point.

[aeriondripflame]

IN MEMORY OF A BROTHER, THEON & ASHA GREYJOY

george r.r. martin, a song of ice and fire. game of thrones (2011). becks_rylynn, how the light gets in. jacqueline woodson, weight. anäis nin, house of incest. the lighthouse (2019). frank ocean - white ferrari. annie lennox - into the west. alphonse de neuville, giant squid illustration. robert kurvitz, disco elysium. angel’s egg (1985).